Embarrassing Mummy - Little White Lies

Who knew I could impersonate a jolly, fat, old man.



It's not every day you find a hidden talent, even if it's one you'd rather not brag about.

White lies

Christmas seems so long ago, but we were reminiscing the other day. My mother, brother, and husband reminded me what a great job I did impersonating Santa.On Christmas Eve, my husband called me up and answered the phone, with "Hello, is that Santa?" - I quickly realised it was a show for my niece, and I had to act my best Santa impression, deep voice, slow talking, 'have you been a good girl?', 'Hohoho!' She believed it was Santa, she made all her promises and went to bed quickly that night. My family congratulated me on the likeness and what a fantastic Santa I was. Months later, I remain amused that a 4-year-old girl mistook her Auntie as Santa. It gets me thinking about how sweetly gullible children really are.

Here's a few of those "half-truths" I remember from over the years:

My mother told me if I ate crusts, I would get curly hair. This back fired as corkscrews were not in fashion in the early 80's. A decade later and she would have been laughing.

My nan told me that if I ate dog biscuits, I would grow a tail. I spent ages walking around stroking my behind looking for signs of growth. I'm not sure what the issue was here - I don't think I was eating enough to deny the dog his dinner. Maybe she was just trying to stop me from being weird.

On one holiday, my dad fed me barbequed chicken. Unusually, it had ribs, but no problem, it was the best chicken I ever had, and I told my dad so. A few days later he confessed to it being rabbit. I still remember the outrage of eating Thumper.

My mum once looked after 2 guinea pigs for her friends' children whilst they went on holiday. We kept the guinea pigs in their cage in our garden. One night, a fox came along, opened the cage and devoured both the piggies. My mum went and bought 2 new guinea pigs and told the children when they came back from holiday that due to the warm weather, the piggies had shed their coats and grown new ones.

I stood in the queue at Next and the woman behind me had a rather fed up toddler and he was grabbing all the sweets by the till. She kept telling him he wouldn't like them as they are all carrot flavoured (I salute you!).

Once we took our children to the Chester Zoo. One of the last creatures we saw was a Kimono dragon and we discussed that in their native countries, they have been known to eat people. As we left and headed for the car parks, there was a tanoy announcement that the park was closing, and could everyone make their way to exits. My son, who was about 5 asked me what would happen if you didn't leave (I know, I'm evil). I told him that they let the Kimono dragons out.

White lies arent all bad...

I think these little white lies can be beneficial, and if it helps you make the rules, then use them! And, I don't think you should then confess to your child that you lied, as this makes you untrustworthy. Let them find out for themselves at an age where they would understand your reasons for lying.

I guess these things stick with you as I've never eaten rabbit since though. Or dog biscuits.

Becky, Embarrassing Mummy of two teens

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The nanny provided by Tinies was very punctual (early in fact), and had lots of energy. She seemed to have plenty of experience and was happy to take my kids to the park for hours.
Liz, North London