Standing on the Touch Lines

I've just returned from watching my son play a football match for his school. It was cold and miserable, but that's not the reason I may never go again. I'm not sure my blood pressure can take it



Total Wipeout

My son's team lost 8-0 - a total annihilation. And the worst of it is, my son's the goalkeeper. This is by far the worst position for your offspring to play, because it's so stressful. He seems to take this kind of thrashing in his stride and comes away still smiling, whilst I have to go home and lie down with a large gin.

The Blind Side

I love my son dearly, but I have no idea why he has been picked as goalkeeper. He has the concentration of a gnat.

At one point, the opposition were bearing down on him, and he had his back to them, happily watching another game on the neighbouring pitch. Everyone was screaming at him - the players, the coach, the parents, and even a small dog that was watching, but he was completely oblivious.


These games also bring out the absolute worst in me. My son has nicknamed me "The Banshee" because what I think is enthusiastic supporting is just plain screaming. He has taken to making obscene hand gestures at me to try and shut me up (which also doesn't help his concentration, and he let in at least 2 goals whilst drawing his hand across his throat at me).

I've tried to be quiet, but when he's standing in the goal fiddling with his hairstyle whilst a ball is sailing through the air towards him, I find it impossible not to shout. Not only that, but I've started to notice that the other parents edge away from me, probably to protect their hearing.

So now I'm mummy-no-mates, on the verge of giving myself a heart attack, with a son that is embarrassed by me, and still no hope of us winning a match this season. That's why I'm not going anymore.


I did however go to a swimming gala this week (I took some aspirin to thin the blood as a preventative measure). That was much more fun and much less stressful because he can swim quite well.

What I like most about the swim galas are the array of swimming trunks being worn by the kids. Some parents have clearly not seen their sons swim in a long time - that can be the only explanation for some poor 10 year old still wearing the same trunks he had in Reception. Some are so frayed that there were all kinds of "popping out" incidents.

But the prize this time went to one of the opposition, whose swim wear was straight out of the 1970s, with the best pair of budgie smugglers I've seen this summer (he put Tony Abbot and the Southern Comfort ad-man to shame). He even had coloured mirrored goggles (I swear they were ski goggles) to complete the outfit. He couldn't swim for toffee but he looked great!

Amanda Coxen, Working Mum and Tinies Director

P.S. If you think this week's Blog headlines are a little abstract, you may remember how much I love watching movies with my kids. So I thought a few movie-themed headlines would work here!

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Everything was a great success for our Partners Weekend, so many thanks to Tinies and your team. I have had lots of very favourable comments. Many thanks.
Barnett Waddingham, Suffolk